Amisa Pooja!!!

I love Wesak since the day i can remember.

I do whatever i can for it since my childhood. When i was small appachchi used to bring to 3 structures every year of the most common "atapattam kudu". The three of us decorated them with three different colours and used to hang them in front of the house, but inside our open veranda. These were there till the Poson. Normally the common colour used was white and there were a red, a blue and yellow mixed lantern.

In the night they were lit with bulbs and i used to look at them for hours. I love light. Especially when it's Wesak time I love all the illuminations that make the environment look peaceful. I look at light as if it's reminder of wisdom which we were all seeking for. It was our ultimate goal as Buddhists.

Time flew by. We grew up. Other too became busy in their own worlds. I was left behind to continue the ritual. In my small age I didn't know that when we built lanterns we are completing the "amisa pooja". But with time I understood it and making illuminations became more valuable for me. I thought it was my duty. One was for my own gaining and the other was to make my family happy. Both are eager. I knew I need to collect "pin" as much as possible and make my life to come to an end.

This time i had 2 structures of lanterns and i thought i'm going to decorate them to look identical. I started doing them on the 23rd of April, when i was miserably helpless without my pc. It took me a lot of time to slowly complete covering it. I was lacking "sauw cola" and i had to wait for several days. I started doing it again on sunday, 18th and it took me a complete day to finish it. I put many "rali" and put them so long. I cut small decorations, each and everything individually and when it was nearing the end it was looking perfect. I was tired, but with the beauty it was vanished.

I knew that they are not going to last long even i love them so much and though it took me several days to complete them.

But it took me a great while to understand it. And 2 hearts got hurt in teaching this to me. One heart remained silent. I knew they were right, but i couldn't control my self. They were fair and i was unfair.

They say i'm stubborn, selfish and foolish.

I know i'm not.

I'm just only trying to please others. When ever the expectations of the competing side is high my feelings got hurt. I feel helpless. I don't know, i sometimes feel miserable.

But the truth is out there hanging on a wire ready to face the enemy, the rain. I know my loving "kuduwa" can't make it. It won't survive till tomorrow morning.

But yet there is a very small happiness inside my heart. I have completed my "amisa poojawa". Something i can do towards my own saving.

I'll see my "kuduwa" all wet, feeble and helpless tomorrow morning. All the beauty will be gone. I'm not going to be sad, the same thing will happen to life.