a confession

A feeling
of ....................
sorrow, sorrow about my self
self pity
or u may call it some other
if you have ever
felt in the way I have

i don't know
a reason
why my heart always
behave like this
a question???
why can't my heart behave....
in the way I WANT
...........................
i'm not either
sure of it:
this is the way i want
or not
my confused mind
is looking...... desperately, running in search
of an answer
to a question my heart has

tell me
do i have to obey
my heart
or my mind???

what comes first in this??

sigh....
I know u can't help me

so i'll help my self out.