Atonement

I'm .................
selfish
selfish...selfish....and selfish
they all say

ya.... of course, at times
i know
when things are all running for their betterment
and simply for my worse
am i supposed to keep my mouth shut?
as if nothing is happening
to me i have done enough of that
even though none is mentioned, appreciated or praised
still they want me to and others are all benefitted people
except for me

if when ever i utter a word or a sigh against
i'm selfish, high tempered and foolish


a dam
bears all weight, rippling of water and changing of currents that run beneath
there will be a time the dam cannot bear any more
firstly it will give jerks,
when it's totally unbearable
the dam will blast in to pieces, tiny little pieces
letting the water rush in the way it wanted

So no matter what happens
if u all want me to bear and be quiet
i'll be that what you'll will be pleased with

at night
i'll cry out my suppressed feelings
unknown to the world
and pretend that i'm always happy
in the world of drama

BUT
do me one favor????
the only thing i'm asking
the jerks are out of my control
(no matter how hard i try)
bear it will you?

i'm sure i wont be a dam at the end

a battle

It all began just two years back

the unpleasant and regretting past
i recall now sharing with
i felt a princess having won her tiara
when i walked in with parents
and ... a so called friend

i didn't knew they are so cruel
'coz to me it felt familiar
nor that i wanted to shine out
i wanted to become their friend
whom hid their faces in masks of shyness

things turned bad with every passing day and hour
life there became sick
all happened gradually
as if someone was planning them well
things were out of my control when it hit me hard

there was no way out
my ship was drowning
i couldn't figure out a way to survive
once i thought drowning is better
so that i wont see this betrayal

Over the days they flock together
all with them
and none with me
without my knowing there were others watching
..... every movement, all that is said and done

finally a day came, unpleasant as ever
but which carried a thin silver ray
they told me what was happening
i believed them as it was the reality
all believed it except poor ego-controlled men

things changed with me
and with everyone
they knew things for sure
that those always smiling, falsely smiling
cruel heart which appeared to be close
is a trap at the end,
who would do anything to be famous.

so i don't get annoyed anymore
no frustrations at the end of the day
i have good friends regardless of age
who understands me
and who love me for what i am
seeing through their own eyes

i now know how to be with
those people, where making a change
seems wa...y abnormal

im used to it

like a metal
which becomes harder and stronger with
every hit it gets